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I bought so much stuff because I thought it made me cool

I know, ‘cool’ is a really 90’s, word but I have no idea what to call it. After experiencing a revitalised look at life I often not only question things I do, but things I have done in the past. By far my largest regret is the amount of money I have spent consuming, simply because of the image it portrayed.

See the paradox? I know now that I was hiding behind my social media and personal persona so much it actually hurt my brain. I bought new technology because I wanted other people to ask me questions about it, interact with me and look up to me. When, if anything, the reverse was probably true.

I didn’t spend money because I needed to replace something, not because it added anything new to my life — but because I could. I’ve never really been bothered about driving a fancy car, nor having a posh job title, but I was bothered about having the latest phone in my pocket. The brand new laptop on my desk, and almost everything in-between.

I rationalised this in my brain as my only extravagance. I could afford to purchase new tech quite easily so that was just my ‘thing. I didn’t drink, or smoke, or have any other vice really — but I would argue this addiction was worse than the others.

It has taken me months to realise that no new piece of technology does anything new for me other than to show off on Twitter. To tweet that I have bought this, and hope someone cares. Which in actual fact no one really did, my follower count rose not because I bought stuff, but because I wrote things and recorded things that people liked. Equally they drop because I’m a douche, and I’m ok with that because I’m no longer what I buy, I am me.