I am no stranger to being very personal on my blog. In many ways I type things I would never say out load, or often lack the situation to put into words in the first place.
Yet Father’s Day was a few days ago and I quite often wonder how I’ve done it. This isn’t a post that wants, nor needs attention, and isn’t looking for any comment, but I have no idea how to be the person I have become. I have had no father.
A few weeks before my daughter was born I had a mini freak out. I suddenly realised I have no clue how to be a dad. I haven’t been around anyone that has been one, and have no idea what to do. You could argue that you don’t need to be, the genetics kick in and you just do it — but that doesn’t stop a person from worrying.
My mum raised me from an extremely early age, and she is everything I have ever known. A strong and powerful woman that would let nothing stand in her way. I have a lot to thank her for, but as I have heard many times “a child needs both parents”.
My Grandfather was my own male role model, and he was an amazing man. Someone that I have always strived to be — Kind caring and intelligent. I have my father in law to also thank for lots of inspiration and comfort. Although he may never know it, he has been more of a father to me than anyone – and is always there with some words of wisdom or sarcasm.
With that said neither has been a father figure and I still wonder where these innate feelings come from. I have simply done what I would expect from any human. I simply do not care what other people do, or do not do. there is no blue print, we carry what we know. I just hope I am doing ok, because it has been against all odds.