My online life pretty much mirrors my off line one. My excitement and inspiration often gives way to thoughts of despair, reluctance and the removal of all motivation. Weeks and months are a rollercoaster of feeling great and feeling like my life is over.
Usually when one of my lives are busy the other takes a back seat. Never in my life have I found a healthy balance and stuck to it for more than a few weeks. I find encouragement and inspiration in others, and then use this to find way to criticise myself for not being how they are. Some may term this imposter syndrome, I call this the way my life is.
I often question why I bother and what this is all for. Many people over the years have told me to do whatever makes me happy. I have done this for the most part, but often get to a point where technology and publishing to my blog doesn’t really mater. Yet if I am honest with myself it is one of the most important things I have done in my life. Much as interests and obsession come and go, writing things down has stuck around for decades.
That may be journaling, publishing to websites, or just writing things in Ulysses that never see the light of day. Putting words down in digital ink is important to me and more than likely will remain so for the rest of my life. I can’t see myself wiring about the latest iPhone in 10 years, but I can see myself typing away on a computer to get these thoughts out of my head.
The way my website looks, the platform it is hosted on and even the name may change, but in the end there is no goal for my blog. I may not publish very often, or I may publish quite a bit, the only reason that this page exists is for me. For me to pretend I am writer for a short while. Tech myself new skills, and ultimately do as I wish. So I am doing this simply for my enjoyment and nothing else, in times of feeling low I may forget this - but I keep coming back.