For all of the time Lucie has been with us I have become accustomed to being awake at ridiculous times of the morning. Autism has provided some truly magical things in our life, but some truly difficult things too. Broken sleep is one of the hardest thing to cope with and makes everything that bit harder. Yet this morning it’s not Lucie fault, I’m awake because I’m actually sleeping better!
So its 4am, I’m wide awake and feeling great after quite a few hours deep sleep. The weirdest thing is I am remembering my dreams instead of being in a strange state of not quite sleeping but not being awake like usual.
The difference hasn’t been anything revolutionary, so much so I couldn’t tell you what the difference really is. I am trying to spend more time meditating and being mindful as much as I can – those that know me know I’m really bad at being buddhist!
Every once in a while I just need a push to think about myself more, because I am always worrying about everyone else and neglecting myself. I think thats natural for everyone, but sometimes in life it’s good to be selfish at least for a few days. If I take more time to think about myself I am going to be better equipped to look after everyone else.
To me being mindful is not about changing the way you are, but changing the way you think about things. Recognising that your emotions are there and realising why they change and doing things to put yourself in a better state. Things are always sent to try us, life would be pretty boring without them, but it is how you feel and the way you deal with things that makes the difference.
This is all very well when you have had a good nights sleep and feel fresh – so lets hope it continues when Lucie decides its time to wake up!