So, in an effort to be more gentle with myself I’ve come to embrace my reading as a part of my practice. I call it Mindful Reading (more slowly — the opposite of speed reading). The idea that my lack of speed actually allows me to be more present with each word and idea. That, to feel shame and desire around this is causing needless self-suffering when self-kindness and permission are called for instead. So, if I read fewer books or it takes me longer to get through one it might mean that I simply was more present with the books I read. Mindful Reading is OK.
I am in a similar boat here, but my problem is I can’t stay awake long enough. My only free time is in bed after everyone has gone to sleep and some days I struggle to read half a page.
I’m going to call myself a mindful reader from now on, and my zzzz is just me thinking about what I’ve read